Where did this delusion come from that we need another person to complete us?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot as of late, looking back at how I was and how I was so sad and lonely (apparently) that I decided maybe another person could make it all better.
The way I see it at the moment, a lot of us have this space inside us that we feel doesn’t fill up with anything. It’s like a gaping whole and we’re trying to find whatever we can to cram into it. The whole ‘something is missing’ schpiel.
Now, I have a tendency to love people. I like people a lot, which often leads to me not being sure whether I like them romantically or not. I think this is because they show me a vulnerable side and I suddenly understand that they’re an actual human being, and this opening up to someone is something I think a lot of people naturally fall for, because they wish they could do it too, or that this person trusts them with something that’s clearly important to them. I know I fall for it.
And again it’s trying to fill that gap. It’s like somehow that makes me feel worthwhile, which doesn’t feel like the right attitude at all.
OK I think I’m meshing a few ideas I’ve been throwing around recently together, and I’m sorry ‘cause this may be a long post. Maybe someone will read it, maybe not, but I needed to write it.
So, back to romantic love completing people (apparently). So, I’ve gone through it and I’m watching friends go through it; somehow I’m not happy with who I am (even though I’m the only me in the world) and I think someone else will make me better.
I think I’m coming out the other side of this situation, but I still catch myself pining sometimes because, well, old habits die hard or something. But I’m working on it.
It’s just the ‘it’s the end of the world because this person doesn’t *society’s definition of love* me’.
I see it everywhere all the time and it makes me so sad, because I know how awful it feels. And I know it’s fixable. Sure, it’s not fixable without quite a lot of hard work and out of comfort zone situations, but it’s still fixable.
Because whether or not someone ‘loves’ you back you have really really appreciated who someone is. Which is a good thing.
But there are a lot of people around you. Always.
And every single one is just as deserving of your attention as the person you love.
And that’s the thing I’ve been realizing; as long as you’re only really paying attention to one person, you aren’t going to be happy. Whether it’s yourself or a guy/girl.
Love is not about being completed by someone else. Because it shouldn’t be a substitute for you loving who you are, and a substitute for the missing piece you feel like you have.
Love is meeting someone who cares about you, but cares about everyone else too.
And gives everyone their time, not just you, and someone who teaches you to do the same.
Because every human being on the planet is worthy of your time and is amazing.
Just like the person you’re giving all your attention to.